Ever wonder what @Mario is up to on Twitter? How about @Sonic? Or maybe @Wario, @MarcusFenix or @MasterChief? You can visit those accounts if you like, but be warned: They’re all pretty awful. You might think that someone lucky enough to have snagged @Link or @PrincessPeach would be goofing it up with all sorts of in-character tweets. Unfortunately, most of the very best video game character Twitter handles are either empty, protected, or entirely out-of-date, with the exception of the odd random person who doesn’t seem all that aware that they’re sitting on Twitter gold.cnx.cmd.push(function(){cnx({"playerId":"e3616d04-4972-4839-a63a-c6975e2e9731","settings":{"advertising":{"macros":{"AD_UNIT":"/23178111854/od.kotaku.com/article","CHILD_UNIT":"article","POST_ID":"5965256","POST_TYPE":"post","CHANNEL":"uncategorized","SECTION":"","SUBSECTION":"","CATEGORIES":"uncategorized","TAGS":"halo,mario","NOP":"0"},"timeBeforeFirstAd":0}}}).render("cnx-player-main")}); Let’s take a look: @MarioMario Bio: Blank Tweets: 3 Following: 10 Followers: 52 Takeaway: This one is just the saddest. A vague attempt at a parody account from 2009 that fell flat after just two tweets… one of which was about being constipated. Mario deserves better. @LuigiMario Bio: I’m tired of living in my brother’s shadow. Tweets: 107 Following: 613 Followers: 1,609 Takeaway: A more considered effort at a parody account that’s been riches777 tweeting up until early this year. Probably the best of all of these. Good show, Luigi Mario! Mario wants to hold a production of West Side Story. I haven't told him yet that the Sharks aren't really sharks. — Luigi Mario (@luigimario) October 4, 2011 @Zelda Name: Zelda Ophelia Bio: Blank Tweets: 516 Following: 39 Followers: 48 Takeaway: Another private account. Possibly just a person named Zelda. @SolidSnake Bio: Enfant terrible Tweets: 5 Following: 10 Followers: 1,647 Takeaway: Appears to have been started as a parody account before quickly running out of gas. Psycho Mantis was such a friggin' EMO guy… — Solid Snake (@SolidSnake) October 23, 2007 @SamusAran Bio: Blank Tweets: 0 Following: 0 Followers: 3 Takeaway: Samus was always pretty taciturn, but this is likely a camper. @Ganondorf Name: Derek Stout Bio: Shut-in, violin failure, depressed, sullen, ANGRY. Tweets: 5 Following: 4 Followers: 7 Takeaway: I don’t even. Clearly a real person, but also one who is very into being GANONDORF. He even yelled at @Zelda about it! Maybe that’s why she set her account to private. https://twitter.com/embed/status/265825110416556032 https://twitter.com/embed/status/265825305627856896 @Link Bio: personal art diary of a lonely young artist nobody will hear about Tweets: 170 Following: 4 Followers: 3 Takeaway: It’s another protected account, but appears to be owned by a real person. I understand the desire to just make work for yourself, but if you want people to hear about your art, maybe open up your account! You do have one of the best Twitter handles ever, after all… @MasterChief Bio: Blank Tweets: 0 Following: 0 Followers:74 Takeaway: Likely camper. The Twitter kind, not the Halo kind. @CloudStrife Name: Matti Bio: Blank Tweets: 8 Following: 0 Followers: 9 Takeaway: Random human who hasn’t tweeted since 2007. Man, Cloud deserves better. https://twitter.com/embed/status/104064222 @Bowser Bio: Internet Troll [Link g2g1bet To RickRoll] Tweets: 3 Following: 0 Followers: 9 Takeaway: God only knows. I guess if Boswer did have a twitter account, he’d be a total asshole about it. @NikoBellic Bio: H25 GTA IV… all the time (is there anything else?) Tweets: 4,989 Following: 0 Followers: 151 Takeaway: A game news aggregation account that’s been dormant since 2009. Not many mentions of bowling. GameStop earnings rise, but forecast disappoints – MarketWatch http://tinyurl.com/pkv84w — NikoBellic (@NikoBellic) May 21, 2009 @Metroid Name: Alejandro Quintana Bio: Blank Tweets: 0 Following: 0 Followers: 2 Takeaway: Zero tweets for Metroid, and Shadow the Hedgehog as an avatar. This is a real waste. @Sonic Bio: i am NOT the fast food chain, the hedgehog, or any other corporate entity. feel free to offer me money. Tweets: 514 Following: 49 Followers: 551 Takeaway: Just an ordinary person who reviews lots of books and liked Rolling Nowhere by Ted Conover more than Vulcan’s Hammer by Phillip K. Dick. https://twitter.com/embed/status/273328924807802880 @PrincessPeach Bio: mother.lover,realist,sometimes writer…. Tweets: 301 Following: 8 Followers: 23 Takeaway: Not a parody account, just an everyday mom who tweets about once a month. Actually, go ahead and do your thing, Princess Peach, I’m not gonna say you shouldn’t get to have an awesome Twitter account. @Wario Name: Daniel Keller Bio: Blocked Tweets: 0 Following: 0 Followers: 0 Takeaway: Yet another depressingly blocked account. Possibly a squatter; that or Wario’s just really quiet. @KidIcarus Bio: Blank Tweets: 13 Following: 3 Followers: 5 Takeaway: Apparently just a normal person who doesn’t tweet much but enjoys Uncharted 2 gained 16 Trophies playing #UNCHARTED2 over the last day — kidicarus (@kidicarus) October 20, 2009 @MarcusFenix Bio: Blank Tweets: 2, but they’re AMAZING Following: 0 Followers: 425 Takeaway: I don’t know what the story is with this account, but his two tweets are probably the best two Marcus Fenix tweets possible.